The best skeleton models ever made

Most people my age seem to agree that the best fantasy skeleton miniatures of all time are Citadel's original plastic ones dating from 1986. And just for once, the amorphous blob known as "most people" is right. It was a kit that saw a very long shelf life with multiple different repackagings and minor additions or subtractions over the years, proof in itself of how good it was. Eventually they were replaced with a new plastic set well over ten years later, chunkier skellies with bulky weapons to match the scale creep of Citadel's model range at the time. They were not an improvement in my book, even if they were decent models, I suppose.

But skeletons should be morbid things of death and decay. Look at the skellies running amok in Bruegel's Triumph of Death painting, it's their angular and skinny appearance that marks them as deathly things of horror to the living. The replacement plastic Citadel skeletons look almost plump compared to their predecessors, have silly "evil" expressions like Skeletor and they have the worst attempt at a pelvic bone ever seen on a model skeleton. It looks like it's been put on backwards. 

The greatest model skellingtons of all time on the other hand, look better proportioned (within the limits of "heroic scale" models, the thigh bones for example are obviously far too short). You could imagine that if you were to peel the Bronzed Flesh coloured skin away from a Citadel human, there might just be room underneath for one of the plastic skeletons to reside.  Not that that matters too much anyway, I mean how many Space Marines could you realistically fit inside a Rhino? Probably one, at a push (assuming he took his pauldrons off first).

I bought my own box around the middle of the 90s for use in Warhammer Quest. They never did end up seeing the inside of a WHQ dungeon and inevitably, like everyone else, I mutilated them for various morbid adornments on Chaos Space Marines, scenery and such like. I imagine many people acquired boxes of these chaps just for that purpose. 

"Zombies by their very nature are inconsistent. Skeletons on the other hand, are very consistent." Alan Partridge, 1997.

I unearthed the tragic remains of my old skeletons in their original box recently. Piecing them all back together again like some micro-necromancer, I found I had more or less enough for use in Advanced Heroquest. Painting-wise I tried to match the colour tones in Bruegel's painting, with some success I think. Some had been broken up over the years for banner pole decorations and the like, and one in particular needed a new head. I toyed with the idea of leaving him headless because it would be funny/unsettling, but sadly it just looked like a broken model.

I settled on sticking one of the decorative Heroquest skulls on his neck instead. He was missing a jaw bone of course, but that's fine, those usually fall off when you're dead. His skull was wider than the others though, so I extended his lower spine to balance his proportions slightly, unfortunately making him look like a cross between the exaggeratedly stretched skeletons of Triumph of Death and one of Ken Dodd's diddy men. Ah well, c'est la mort.

To add some variety, or rather because some of these ancient dead were damaged by a cackhanded and careless younger me and the resultant blemishes needed covering, I thought I'd try making a couple that were slightly less decayed than the others. The central axeman therefore has remnants of dried out skin still attached, while one of the sword wielders has a nice head of hair made from static grass painted brown. I find that nothing accentuates the horrors of death as much as the vestiges of life stubbornly clinging on.

Despite being dead and animated against their will, skeletons are at least grinning all the time, it's nice that they stay positive.

Now, the next little project for my boney blokes, aside from repainting their bases brown, is a pink skeleton from the classic arcade game, Golden Axe. This being at the behest of my partner, who asked, nay demanded, I paint a pink skeleton with a "raspberry shield". And I have just the right miniature for it.

You see, Kitty (for that's her name, even if it sounds more like the name of a girl you'd find painted on the side of a 1940s aeroplane, which she'd have absolutely loved by the way) grew up playing Megadrive games with her brother, especially things like Streets of Rage. Thanks to the miracle of modern technology and games publishers wanting to squeeze every last penny out of their properties, we're able to play those games again via the Playstation. 

Aside from the aforementioned Streets of Rage, we've also played all three Golden Axe games. She was somehow particularly taken with the pink skeletons, hence her plea for one to appear in the dungeons of AHQ. I'm happy to oblige and you shall witness the results soon. On the other hand, we've also been regularly playing Dr. Robotnik's Mean Bean Machine, but I will not be painting several differently coloured beans as monsters for AHQ. No matter what she says. And that's final. Period. Nor will Dr. Robotnik make an appearance as a "Chaos Sorcerer".

No, AHQ is a serious game. Anyway, like I said, next on the agenda is a candyfloss pink skeleton with a raspberry shield. Bye for now.